A Radical Reality

To this day, quite possibly the most provocative, if not astounding, discovery of modern science remains relatively obscure to the general public. This is, perhaps, due to how greatly it shatters our myth of reality – and, subsequently, our understanding of how we picture reality operating. This startling new worldview has been too radical for us to feel comfortable truly considering. For if we did, it would compel us to drastically reframe our thinking and our lives. Yet, by doing so, our lives would likely become unburdened and flourish.

For the most part, we have envisioned reality based upon the themes that Sir Isaac Newton postulated back in the seventeenth century. Newton constructed a machine-like model of the world, which is comprised of separate and distinct objects, disconnected from one other, interacting only through cause and effect. This picture of reality, operating as a giant machine, shackles our lives like little else. The depiction is absent any scintilla of meaning or purpose, as we become the cogs in the machine, detached from one other and the universe at large. This image is also devoid of any sense of relatedness, as separation becomes the essence of the Newtonian worldview. This paradigm leaves us humans as strangers in a mechanical universe, whereby isolation is the primary motif. Epidemics of depression are the inevitable result of this scenario. From this filter we experience a vast array of struggle and malaise. Many of our ensuing challenges and conflicts can be derived from this misunderstanding of reality. Yet, there is now ample evidence to drastically reconsider how we look at the bigger picture.

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Posted in Emergent Thinking | Tagged connection, depression, inseparability, newton, Quantum reality, Relationships, war, worldview | 22 Comments

Is Our Society Manufacturing Depressed People?

An Epidemic of Depression

Our society is in the throes of a virtual epidemic of depression. The numbers are quite staggering. More than twenty percent of the American population will experience at least one episode of what we refer to as clinical depression. We need to look deeper into this phenomenon to understand it and overcome it. My contention is, firstly, that our cultural values and memes induce us to live in ways that are, indeed, depressing. Secondly, much of what we refer to as clinical depression is inaccurate. Most depression is situational. The symptoms of depression are often due to depressing circumstances, not disease. In other words, under certain circumstances, it makes sense to be depressed.

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Posted in Emergent Thinking | Tagged anxiety, culture, depression, grief, happiness, prescription pills, psychiatry, sadness, society | 32 Comments

I’ll Be Happy When…

What is the source of happiness? We tend to assume that happiness will come from a future event. It typically depends upon something else happening. The script often reads like this:

I’ll be happy when… I fall in love.

I’ll be happy when… I get married.

I’ll be happy when… we can buy our dream house.

I’ll be happy when… we can furnish the house.

Still, the anticipated happiness is elusive so we tie it to more future events.

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Posted in Emergent Thinking, Personal Growth | Tagged beliefs, children, happiness, marriage, relationship, thoughts | 31 Comments

Communication is the Heartbeat of Relationship

If communication is indeed the heartbeat of relationship, it’s little wonder that most relations are on coronary care. Once again we are confronted with another absurd reality. Our culture deprives us of the most fundamental education that we require to succeed in our relationships. Learning the subtleties and nuances of meaningful and effective communication are the cornerstones of successfully relating.

In effective communication, which incidentally is a very rare event, we need to first establish a shared meaning around the words, constructs and ideas that we are discussing and then further that meaning in a coherent flow of dialogue. Such a skill set enables relationships to thrive, businesses and organizations to be more productive and nations to create and sustain peace. What could possibly be more essential?

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Posted in Communication, Relationships | 19 Comments

When Doing the Best You Can Becomes a Compulsion

Is it always a good idea to do the best you can do? This question came up recently in a therapy session and catalyzed me to look more deeply into the nature and implications of this common assumption.

The man with whom I was working felt it essential that he always do his best. In his case, this inclined him to constantly measure himself as to whether he had acted at this optimal level. He confessed that very often he was stuck in analyzing the past, debating whether his words or behavior were the very best choice. When he wasn’t stuck in that groove, he was typically fretting over future decisions, concerned that they also might not be the very best choice. The nature of his inner voice was highly self-critical, addicted to measuring his actions.

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Posted in Emergent Thinking, Personal Growth, Relationships | Tagged balance, children, competition, excellence, fun, perfecrt, perfectionism, sports | 12 Comments

Tune in for Mel’s upcoming radio show — The Problem with Perfection

Don’t miss the opportunity to join a worldwide audience as Mel discusses his highly popular article, “The Problem with Perfection,” on Wednesday, November 9th, at 3:30pm EST online at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/melschwartz.

The pursuit of perfection drives many people into dysfunctional relationships – with others, and with themselves. Join Mel in a live discussion as he addresses the dilemma of perfectionism.

And please remember that you can listen in by phone or confidentially call in questions of your own by dialing (877) 904-1571.

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Announcing the Launch of Mel’s New Radio Show – A Shift of Mind

We are excited to announce the launch of Mel’s new radio show - A Shift of Mind. The first segment airs this Thursday, October 27, at 7pm EST. You can listen to the show online at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/melschwartz or by calling 877-904-1571.

This first show will illuminate why we struggle in our relationships and explore why so many marriages not only end in divorce but why the intact ones fall well short of happiness. Mel suggests that if marriage were a corporation, it would be bankrupt. He will reveal many breakthrough approaches and techniques for overcoming this problem. For a more detailed description of the show, click here.

Join a worldwide audience and take the opportunity to listen, participate, and call in questions of your own.

All of Mel’s shows will be archived for those who aren’t available to listen live. The podcasts will be accessible through your iTunes account following the airing of the show (more information to follow).

In the meantime, you can read more about why we struggle in our relationships.

Please be sure to “like” my Facebook page to see my quote of the day, follow me on Twitter, and join my LinkedIn network.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged a shift of mind, blog talk, radio, Relationships | Leave a comment

Turning Crisis into Opportunity

Crises come into our lives, no matter how we may try to avoid them. They are troubling, unwanted experiences or events that take us out way out of our comfort zone. Typically, crises result in some type of loss. The very nature of crisis is antithetical to our core values of certainty and predictability as they vanish in an instant.

We desperately try to restore order to our lives, as chaos seems to prevail. Yet, if we learn to reframe how we see crisis, we might actually take advantage of it. There is the potential for alchemy as the crisis unfolds into a gain, provided we learn to stop resisting the unwanted change.

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Posted in Emergent Thinking, Personal Growth | Tagged anxiety, change, crisis, growth, infidelity, opportunity, Relationships | 7 Comments

Collapsing The Wave: Creating New Realities

Some of the remarkable discoveries from quantum physics can be adapted to help us break free from the groove of our past and unleash real change in our lives. The quantum world reveals that light has a somewhat schizophrenic nature. It has the dual capacity to exist either as a wave or a particle. This tendency is referred to as the wave/particle duality. This seemingly illogical notion is naturally counterintuitive and rubs against our common sense of logic. Ordinarily, we believe that things either are or are not. This is not the case here, however.

It appears that when the light photon is not being observed it exists in waveform, but at the moment of observation, the wave collapses and becomes a particle. The act of observing actually collapses the wave. Prior to making the observation the wave represents a state of pure potentiality. That potential only becomes manifest into a fixed state when we look at it. I have come to see that a very similar phenomenon occurs in our lives.

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Posted in Emergent Thinking, Personal Growth | Tagged childhood trauma, collapse, identity, love, personality, potential, reality, stupid, superpotential, wave | 10 Comments

Stuck in a Groove

For those of us old enough to remember vinyl records, we might recall that when there was a scratch on the album, the needle would sometimes get stuck in the groove. The same sound or lyrics would keep repeating. In the groove, the tone arm couldn’t find its way into the next groove. This is exactly what happens with our thoughts. They tend to keep reiterating the same messages, time and again. When they do so, we summon old memories and feelings and we become stymied in trying to change.

The replay of old thoughts and feelings indicates that we aren’t truly present. The past is not dead in these circumstances, but alive and kicking in the present as we continue to replicate the past. This is such a wasteful way to live our lives as we move from moment to moment – wanting for change – but not understanding how to achieve it. The continuous repetition of old thoughts and feelings robs us of new experience. As well, it deprives us of the discovery of new ways of being. The groove is where fear reigns supreme. Coming out of the groove is where self-actualization appears.

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Posted in Emergent Thinking, Personal Growth | Tagged change, Emergent Thinking, emotions, thinking, thought, transformation | 7 Comments